PSFK

PSFK.

Hm, third draft. To be perfectly honest i'm having a hard time to begin typing this document. It's not that there isn't anything to say about PSFK, to the contrary(!!) It was a truly amazing experience in many ways...
But it felt slightly unnatural to write, as this was initially more of an assignment than a creative and natural process.
So i will write in this informal, natural style, and hopefully the right words will come to mind at the time that they're supposed to, just as they always do.
I apologize for the unexpected format of this post in advance.


Ok, so where to start?
First of all, i'd like to give a tip of my hat (well, if i had one) to: (alphabetical order, no discrimination here either)

-Benita Lim, for an excellent job of coordinating us volunteers as well as other duties. (http://www.bulletproof.com.sg ,more shameless promotion)

-Jeff Squires, PSFK employee and event organiser

-Piers Fawkes, PSFK co-founder and Asia conference moderator,


The Asia Conference 2008 (hereby referred to as PSFK for simplicity and subliminal messaging purposes) was beneficial in many ways, not the least of which were material:
I arrived with nothing, and left with:
1- A PSFK t-shirt.
(in the order of being found in my with no discrimination meant)
2- A business card from the (Singapore branch) Lucasfilm animation's Director of Training.
3- A business card from Achara "Ju" Masoodi, Mindshare Asia pacific division. Job title? The Scout.
4- A business card from Panasonic Avionics' Chief Representative and Executive Director of China.
5- A business card from the Senior Art Director of Imaginary friends studios (Godlike skilled digital designers. Check out their website: http://www.imaginaryfs.com)
6- A business card from the director (and contact with the managing director) of Singapore based next-media firm Elasticity (soon to be renamed as Rune Entertainment Asia)
7- A wonderful meal and snacks provided by Yahoo's SEA division
8- 2 bags containing further information on participating sponsors and agencies, including an "awesome" (name of org) cd.
9- 4 Apple martinis, and a glass of white wine on the "super famous (name of bar - more shameless promotion) house.

Material benefit is good of course, but hardly essential, and hardly able to qualify the conference as a success.
The more important, more intangible side of all this were of course the social and educational benefits.

I've learned some trend based theories such as the tipping point (Malcolm Gladwell - excellent author), but am overall generally new in the field of trend research and understanding. As such, i would have loved to attend most of the conference... but was too busy running around backstage assisting in various duties ^^; However, from those few presentations and panels that i did get to attend, i managed to gather a clear and yet in depth understanding of some issues at stake.
Obviously, they don't teach you this in Uni.
Looking forward to the video being uploaded... i'll be able to catch the other presentations and review what i've already seen.

The social aspect was, in my mind, the most spectacular of the conference.
This is where being a student gives me a different point of view. When i discovered that the tickets to the conference were S$1000, i was shocked and pleased. Shocked, cause hey, for a student, that's a price out of my range. Pleased, because i would be able to mingle with the elite.
I've always been a fairly social person, and the opportunity to mingle with people of this caliber was not something i would let slip by quietly.
These are the nationally and internationally based representatives or directors of institutions and organisations worldwide: these are those for whom you wish to work one day, or strive to become.
And after all, you can learn more about a person by talking to them than by listening to a presentation.
The conversations opened up doors for me. But more than "simply" career opportunities, i learned to have more confidence in myself and my professional image. I was taught by one to "dare", to take a gamble on my abilities and put yourself in a path of life where i would _need_ to succeed to survive. I re-opened my interest in Japan as a workplace, and heard stories of how this was feasible - as well as being equipped by the conference on how to do it well.

I'm young, educated, but still quite ignorant of working life's non-theoretical ways.
I stand on my world of education, but PSFK acted as window through which i peered into the creative professional galaxy.
I'm tempted to reach in.

Ah well. Relationships first. Studies second.
The professional world will wait, and i'll be ready for it when i come back to this door.

PSFK

So i recently attended the PSFK Asia Conference 2008...
and. what. an. experience.
I'm currently still in the process of writing a more complete blog about it all, so patience is appreciated ;)

Question 13

Question 13

What fortifies me?

I was asked to answer this question in a secular way, without reference to God. So, i'll just state that he is part of the answer, and elaborate on the rest:

Smiles.
Laughs.
Hugs.
Encouraging comments.
Facebook posts.
Friends around me.
Love of someone ->
Hope.

Hope would be the greatest encouragement.
Generally, the hope of possibility. No matter how bad a fix i'm in, i strongly believe that there's always hope. There's always a way out... And as long as i can believe that there's an answer to the problem, somewhere, anywhere, i will continue living.
Situations that seem to have no resolution, i will push to resove.
One could say that i have "faith" in "hope".
[with faith here meaning, i quote: "complete trust or confidence in someone or something"]
The link isn't always strong and hope does not always shine brightly, but i believe it'll always be there. So no matter how distant, hope will guide and fortify me.

Question 12

Question 12

Why am i not afraid of sharing my mistakes?

Everyone makes mistakes, and it's an integral part of growing up. Of learning. An essential step on the way to maturity.
The way that people "grow" is simple.
They make mistakes,
they aknowledge their mistakes
they strive to understand why it was a mistake
they learn from their mistake
And finally they avoid making the same mistake the next time.
Some mistakes are more embarrassing than others, some deal with tabboo issues like drug use or sexuality... there are many reasons why people would choose to hide the mistakes they've made, even if it's a normal process. No one wants to be judged on something they've done in the past. It's human to always try to expose the best part of yourself for the outside world to see.
To my readers, of course i want to seem like a good person. But above that, i want to be seen as a person of integrity. So i lay out my faults along with the rest because i know you will trust me more. Even if what i say is not always correct, you will know that it is what i consider to be the truth. Or perhaps you will see your mistakes in mine and sympathize. Or know that i understand what your problem is.
I may lose a little respect, a little idealism.. but it's a small price to pay for a person's trust.

Question 11

Question 11

Why do i not feel confident now although i have in the past?

Because there really is a price to pay for not believing in the concept of cliques.
In retrospect, it's alright, but at the moment that it hits you, it usually hits hard.
The price for not belonging to a clique is the one of having no certainty in who your friends really are. It takes years to build a good friend, and yet, only days or hours to break one.
You may say that i have many friends. Certainly, i know a lot of people and are on personal talking terms with them, but does this qualify as friendship?
Friends are those who remain when others let you down. Friends are those that would show up at an unrelated event just because you're there.
Friends should be people that you really like spending time with and vice-versa.
Of course i have friends, real friends, but in those moments of doubt you tend to forget this and focus on how many people you know would abandon you if ever a crisis arose.

And then there's the situation in which i like someone.
People like confidence. Men and women both, appreciate confidence.
And yet, when i'm single and in that situation, all confidence leaves me and i second guess my every action in regards to that person. I tend to show a stranger and less stable side of myself (which, incidentally is obviously not attractive. It's not bad... just... strange). This of course tends to have the effect of scaring off the potential person and that's why it's so much harder for me to start relationships than maintain them.

And both these items are related, as the lack of confidence in myself begins with "her" effect on me, which makes me have self doubt in relation to my friendships.
Considering that people make up more than half of everything i strive to do in my life, love is obviously very important to me.

Question 10

Question 10

Do i like to observe things from an outside point of view, and then think of the in a deeper tone?

Huh, this is one strangely formatted question.
But yes, i do.
Umm... i like to think of the reason behind things. Or other possibilities. Or imagine what could have happened.
I like to observe a [emotional] situation unfold between two people and predict what he or she might have done to arrive at a happier ending.
I observe, i think, i learn, and then i try to help the next time.
I like to watch couples and predict whether or not they'll be together in a few years. In many years. Or... in a few months.
I like to observe how a couple may appear happy but are letting subconscious signs of discontent slip out and learn from them without interrupting.
I like to watch balloons and theorize on how much weight should be attached to the other end to create a perfect vertical balance.
I like wondering if all people actually saw different colors to which humankind has commonly attributed names. I like to wonder about how this theory would fit in with the concepts of gradients and light, and whether or not it could make sense.
I wonder similarily about taste and if the same fruit could mean two different things to different people, while maintaining the same nouns.
I like to sit in a dark room and talk to myself strange things.
I like wondering if i may be a little mentally off-balance after sitting and talking to myself in the dark for thirty minutes.
I used to like cutting myself with sharp objects, but only when i was absolutely certain that i was emotionally stable. I wanted to experience what it would feel like to do such a thing, while being reassured that no serious harm could come to me, or that i could not lose control of the situation.
I like typing notes like this, trying to explain who i am.
I like appearing "not quite normal" while also trying very hard to integrate myself into the lives of others.

I like doing many normal things for deeper reasons. Or seemingly deeper reasons.

Most interestingly, i like wondering whether or not other people go through this process.
I like wondering what you're thinking after having read this.

Question 9

Question 9

Do i have any kind of discriminatory system going on? Classicist, elitist, racist, sexist, homophobic?

Again, a difficult question disguised under an easier one.
I would think: "No. Plain and simple, no." But taking all things into account...
Classicist? Definitely not.
Racist? Hah. No.
Sexist: If anything, people could accuse me of being slightly sexist to the benefit of women, not their detriment.
Homophobic? No. In disagreement with the gay lifestyle but definitely not homophobic.
Elitist? Ehhh.....
So maybe a bit.
I like class. I like power. I like people dressed in crisp suits and women wearing cocktail dresses. I always feel at home in the lobby of a 4 or 5 star hotel... It's hard to describe, but i feel very, very.... at peace there. Like i belong.
More than illusions of grandeur, i think i have what it takes to make it in this world, and i would like to think that i will.
I admire higher society a great deal while remaining skeptical of their lower points. It's easy to think "i'm not going to fall into that pattern, right?" from down here, but i will have to remain vigilant.
Ignorant people frustrate me. I make an effort to get along well with any and everyone, but ignorance makes it hard. I may at times consider myself above them (not in a racially or humanly superior sense but socially)
It's interesting. I admire the elite for their ability, but am ashamed of their behavior. I want to be the other one up there, the one who makes it and remains integral. They exist, but are considerably fewer. I'll have to make a real effort... And i will need my friends to keep my mind down here.
So yes, my fatal flaw. I'm kinda cocky and i think i'm better than you most of the time. I think i'm more mature than other people in my age range and may show frustration at being stuck at this level due to age.
No one's perfect, and that's why i need you, my friends (and random blog readers) to keep me realistic by showing me my flaws.
I want to be perfect of course. So point out the problem and i'll try to work on it. You've been warned though: i'm proud sometimes and i know it.

Question 8

Question 8

How do i deal with cliques, and integration into them?

Cliques... i've always kind of hated the word ever since i found out what it meant. What's the point of having a group of friends that you would restrict yourself to? In some other cases, what's the point of surrounding yourself with only like-minded people?

I do not belong to a clique. Or perhaps you would say that i belong to several, making no distinction of the invisible lines traced by others.
I try to evaluate people on a case by case basis. Your friends are not my friends, and your enemies are not my enemies by default. I may be given a positive or negative outlook from your perspective but i will still attempt to treat a person fairly when meeting them for the first time. [There are, of course, exceptions to this. If a girl tells me that her ex is a asshole without further justification, i will carry a negative conotation of this person but still give him fair treatment when meeting for the first time. my friend is obviously fairly biased, and perhaps it was simply a misunderstanding between them. IF however the same situation repeats itself and it is known as fact that he cheated on her, i will give him no respect as he deserves none. This is not due to personal bias but in respect to the person himself and his past documented actions.]
Integration into cliques is easy. Far easier than believed, probably.

Cliques are just groups of people that feel comfortable together.
Although people like that feeling of familiarity, it is almost never the case that a person who fits well with everyone else in the group is not able to join it. Makes sense, doesn't it?
To join a clique, all that is needed is social sense as well as a little effort on your part.
People want friends.
Friends are made through connections.
So get connected. Find something relevant to talk about. Take safe topics.
And by "safe" i don't mean things that are non-emotionally related.
by "safe" i mean things that people naturally have a strong opinion of.
Politics
Music
Sex (but be cautious when using this one though, depending on who you're talking to and how open they are. Note, this subject is far easier to bring up amongst a group than one on one: can be extremely awkward and mar the potential connection perhaps beyond repair)

Talk to everyone, when one person of the clique sees that you are comfortable with more than at least one other person there, they will likely open up to you. The more people in the clique accept you, the faster the others will want to know you too.
The beginning's the hardest part, but once the initial victory is won it's very simple and a matter of just being someone that they would want as a friend. I'm gonna write another entry on how to do that later though.

Question 7

Question 7

How did i evolve from a timid anti-social person to who i am now?

This question can be answered in steps. Contrarily to what one might think, the changes weren't very gradual but were set by definite events.

Stage 1: timid, anti-social: 4 years ago.
15 years old, not popular, shadowed by a brother (who is reading this :P but hey, it _was_ true) and knows nothing about women whatsoever.
Then, i met Ashley, who would eventually come to be my first girlfriend.
It was not hard to relate to her, we both had... "different" tastes, and i overcame my timidity of her that way.
She was very much a "screw the world and society if they don't like you" kind of person, and i adopted that attitude from her, since i did not really have one of my own. I learned to care less about what society and friends thought about me... and to my great surprise, people started liking me more when i tried to please them less.
I was no longer quite as timid, although definitely still quite antisocial.

The next step was upgrading my confidence. Looks matter.
No matter what they say, looks matter.
I WILL however emphasize that it's about feeling good in your skin than looking good in comparison to the norm.
A person that thinks they look nice will be less awkward, and act more naturally around members of the opposite (and similar) sex. Through this boost to their confidence, their charisma and social outlook will also change, making them that much more sociable.
Now i'd never been proud of my appearance before, not even with Ashley. I wasn't ashamed of who i was, but i didn't like the way i looked. I didn't feel handsome, or even average.
That all changed when i went to Japan. Feb 2007.
Suddenly i caught people looking my way (of both genders) and the attitude of some towards me finally made me feel... wanted. Accepted as being above the norm. I qualify much of this to my skin color, racial stereotypes that white people are nicer (as portrayed in japanese movies) and general curiosity but still. Still. It gave me that confidence boost that i needed so badly and completely and radically changed my life.
Haha, now i'd say i'm fairly confident about everything in life from my future to my job to my life in general, except for love. Ah, treacherous thing.

So yes. That's how i changed to how i am today, mostly, with small refinements from friends along the way.
If you're in the slump that i was in, here's my (not so serious) advice.
1- Get a rebellious girlfriend.
2- Go to Japan. You'll love it.

Monologue

Hi.
Hello.

It's nice to meet you.. to be honest, i've been waiting a really long time.
Really? Yes.. i think... since i was 12.
You know, I still remember a bit: my parents and my brother were hovering around the light of the candles. I was still in bed, having just woken up to this aromatic breakfast greeting me. Smiles, laughs, much more vibrant than this white room that we're surrounded by.
I looked down at my pancakes, and at those 12 flickering candles... And wished to meet you.
Not a wish, really. More of a prayer. Although i don't think i'd come to truly believe at that time, it was a rare moment of clarity where i knew God was listening, so i told him.
Then i blew them out.

I hope that the seat isn't too uncomfortable.
I know that this isn't exactly the most romantic location that i could meet you in, this half empty white washed room. Not knowing the future has that effect.
I'd rather not predict right now where i'll meet you. Or if i already have. Or if it's soon or far away in the corridors of time.

I chose the room. Half-bland. Half-white. Half-plain. half-empty.
Nothing is on your side, yes. But anything could happen. I'm not going to close off my possibilities.
i brought my pens. Pencils, brushes and paint. Scrap metal and paper. Dyes, cloths, clay. They're yours now.
Lead me, create your side of the room. Let me find out who you are.
Paint. Sing. Dance. Flood your side with color, and let me drown in your world.

...
Hello.
I've been waiting for you... a long time.
Huh? No, i'm not repeating myself by accident.
It's important, and i want you to understand.
It's nice to meet you. It's beautiful.

Obsessed? Hah, maybe just a little.
I've been here a long time, is it any wonder that i would make an image of you to wait for?
I prefer the term passionate.
I haven't met you yet, but i love you.
you'll understand some day.
There. That smile... it warms my heart. I look forward to seeing that again.

Are you feeling cold? Here, i'll hold you for a while.
You know that you can count on me to keep this empty room away.

No, no... please don't cry.
i know, i don't want to leave either.
Space does not exist here, but time does.
And it's leaving.
I have to go soon. I have to go back.
Where? You know as well as i do.

Goodnight....

I'm sorry. I might lie to you now, although i vow to ever remain honest.
Maybe it's not so much a lie of another wish. Another prayer.

I'll...
I'll see you soon.